I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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