God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
