how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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