whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
