how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can I color on your dick again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
