you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
