please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
