Where is the hickey?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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