this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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