so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
