If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My cat gives me a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
