When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
