My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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