could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
