I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
