Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
