i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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