I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
