i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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