so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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