She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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