i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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