I'm going to jail i love you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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