proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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