You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
