she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pants are for mortals
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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