I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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