no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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