I have demons in me.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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