Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
