Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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