he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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