took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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