so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
