I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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