Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i may or may not be watching the land before time
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
