I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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