i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
