i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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