I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
