I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
