Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
