Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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