There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
