New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
