it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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