May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize