I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
