did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
