i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
