Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
