Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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