Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
