More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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