It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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