I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are we still banned from the library?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
