WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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