Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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